


Black It Out (Let Everyone Come Home)

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, College, F/F, Human AU, I'll tag it, Oops, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, butterfly effect au, child porn, hopefully, if something else needs to be tagged please tell me, may have failed on that, not as bad as it looks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-05-23 01:07:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6099826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If anyone was more deserving of a clean slate, a happy ending, it was Lapis. When Peridot learned that she could go back and give to her closest friend what she deserved the most, well...</p><p>She was always one to take a chance, even if it meant erasing herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Drawing

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the horrible movie "The Butterfly Effect". Hopefully this fanfic is a bit less horrible, but one can only dream. 
> 
> Dedicated to my friend and rock, chinchillangel! She's pretty sweet you should check her out on tumblr sometime...if you want...no one's forcing you to...please start reading the fic.

 

It was her fault.

Jasper knew it, Malachite knew it, Peridot knew it.

Lapis Lazuli knew it.

Stars, Lapis _always_ knew it. She knew that it would break Peridot, that it would break _her._

In the end, Peridot’s curiosity broke her, and it broke Lapis almost a decade later than it should have.

It wasn't more obvious that they broke in similar, yet vastly different ways. They were like waves crashing against the shore, falling and breaking over and over again but never the same. Unfortunately, they weren't waves, and they never would be.

That's why Lapis was being lowered into the ground, and Peridot was cowering behind the pines.

It was her fault that this happened. Jasper knew that, which is why she threatened to kill her.

Peridot knew it was her fault, which is why she had to live.

Peridot knew it.

Peridot knew how to save her.

  


“Peridot…” a sing-song voice tried to drag her out of the comforts of sleep. “It's time to get up.”

Peridot mumbled under her breath, and burrowed deeper into the comforter. Couldn't these clods let her sleep in for one day?

“You're going to be late for school again,” Connie shook her gently.

She opened her eyes to see her pregnant foster mother beaming at her. How could she be so happy? It was the _morning._ Perhaps it was the pregnancy, the negative of that doubling with the negative of the morning creating a positive reaction. Kinda like multiplication, right?

“Time to get up,” she repeated.

“Later,” she closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

“Per-i-dot,” Steven sang from downstairs. “Get u-u-up.”

Peridot scowled in frustration. Once her foster father started, he didn't stop. She slowly got out of bed and let Connie prepare her for the day, trying to unravel the mysteries of her mood.

When she came to the kitchen, she noticed the soggy plate of waffles trying not to disintegrate into the syrup. She was surprised Lion hadn't eaten them yet.

“Try to be quick, we don't have a lot of time.” He ruffled her hair, undoing Connie’s hard work. She sat down and prodded her waffles.

“Is my mom coming to the school play?” Peridot asked.

Steven smiled, “Yeah, she's going to try to make it with me. It all depends on how she feels later with the baby.”

“No, not Connie,” Peridot stuck some waffle in her mouth and chewed in annoyance. “My mom.”

“Oh,” Steven sighed. “Peridot, we've talked about this. It's not safe for her to...leave.”

“But Lapis and Jasper’s mom is going, and BOTH of Pearl’s moms,” she pleaded.

“Sorry, maybe next time,” he replied.

She narrowed her eyes and went back to examining her breakfast. It just didn't seem logical that her mom couldn't go when everyone else's could. What made her so special?

“Oh shoot, we're late!” Steven exclaimed as he grabbed the rest of Peridot's breakfast and threw it in the sink.

“Hey!”

“C’mon, get your stuff together and get in the car,” he said as he pushed her out of the chair and towards the door.

“Don't rush me,” she vociferated.

“Uh-huh, that's nice. Do you know where my keys are?”

 

“Here we are, kiddo,” Steven mussed up her hair before she left the car. “Have a good day at school!”

He waited until she was at the top of the steps before he almost hit her teacher. Jesus, where did she come from?

“Mr. Universe,” she addressed before walking up to his window. “We need to talk about your daughter.”

 

“You're sure this is going to be quick? I can't keep being late for work,” he worried as she guided him to her desk.

Instead of replying she dug around in her desk drawer. If terrifying him was her goal, then she succeeded. She could have gone into counseling.

“We had an activity where the kids were supposed to draw what they wanted to be when they grew up,” she explained as she handed him a drawing. “This is what Peridot drew.”

The first thing that put him off was the drawing itself; it was grotesquely detailed for an eight year old. A pile of bodies were disfigured, bloody, and impressively shaded in prison camp uniforms. Steven assumed that the majority of them were dead, evident by the crosses where their eyes should be. Standing victoriously on top was Peridot in the same uniform, wielding a knife and angry eyebrows. Put shortly, it belonged in a horror film, not a classroom.

“Oh, Peridot,” Steven muttered.

“I asked Peridot about it, and she said she didn't remember drawing it. Are you sure she's adjusting to your home well?” She asked him.

“We thought she was doing alright...” He looked over at his charge, trying to explain something to another student, proud of her extensive knowledge.

She glanced over to catch Steven staring at her. He looked disappointed.

  



	2. The Knife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot receives her assignment and experiences her third blackout.

After one hour, forty-five minutes and thirty-six seconds of pure torture, Peridot had come to a solid conclusion:

Dr. Garnet. Was. The. Worst.

It was common knowledge throughout the Second Grade that the only people qualified enough to assign homework were teachers, not therapists. Apparently, no one had told Dr. Garnet that, and she had assigned Peridot homework during her first session. Everything about this was wrong. She shouldn't be here; she had done nothing to deserve something as torturous as talking about her feelings. Especially to someone unreasonable enough to wear sunglasses inside. Thankfully for Dr. Garnet, Peridot was here to correct her of her insufferable behavior.

“You can't assign me this,” she protested as she was handed a tape recorder. 

“Why not?” She challenged with a quizzically raised eyebrow.

Peridot ground her teeth, “Because, you're not a teacher.” She flung her arms in front of her, “Besides, even if you are allowed to give me homework, you can't give it on the first day. That’s the rules.”

“I am allowed to hand out homework if I think it would help my patients,” Garnet told her calmly.

“I'm not your patient. I shouldn't even be here.” Peridot crossed her arms and turned her gaze away from her.

“Why not?”

“There's nothing wrong with me! I haven't done anything,” she argued.

“You made that drawing,” Garnet pointed out. Ugh, this again.

“I told you, I didn't draw that,” she said.

“Then who did?”

“I…” Peridot hesitated. Truth was, she had no idea if she had done it or not. She remembered the paper being passed out, but she couldn’t recollect anything until after it was turned in.

“I don't remember,” she confessed.

“That's why I'm assigning homework,” the therapist explained. “They'll help you keep track of your blackouts, and maybe remember them.”

She glared at the tape recorder again.

“You don't have to share them with anyone,” Garnet reassured.

“Not even Steven?”

“Not even Steven.”

Peridot snatched the recorder from the therapist, scowling at it as she tried to figure out how it worked. 

“You press the red one to record, top to pause, middle to rewind and bottom to forward,” Garnet told her.

“I knew that!” Peridot squealed. 

 

“Log Date, 3-01-01,” Peridot began from the privacy of her bedroom. “Connie entered labor today. Which, I am told, is the process of the baby exiting her stomach and into the real world. As a result of this event, I am to stay at Lapis and Jasper's house for the time being. This is only temporary, and I will finally gain intel on how a  _ real  _ mother acts unlike my good-for-nothing mom who--”

“Peridot!” Steven shouted from downstairs.

She stopped recording to shout back, “Coming!” 

She grabbed her backpack, filled with overnight necessities, and stampeded down the steps. 

“Got everything?” He asked as he took her bag. She nodded and--

“Peridot, put down the knife.” Steven’s voice was even, and for once not brimmed with passion. He was standing across from her in the--hold up. Was she in the kitchen? When did she get in the kitchen? 

She screwed her face in confusion. Wait, did he say knife? She wasn't holding a--

Peridot looked down to see that she was, in fact, holding a knife. She flung it to the ground and glared at her hand in revulsion. 

When did she get a knife? She was just in the hall with Steven. She was going to get in the car and stay with Lapis. She was going to stay there for a few days. She was...she was...she was--

“Are you okay?” He asked her as he put the knife away. 

“Y-yeah,” she replied, eyes not moving from her hand. 

What the heck was happening to her?

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if I don't update once every three days, you have my permission to bug the hell out of me until I update. I got the planning finished for the rest of this fic finished though, and I've got the basic plot for another fanfic in the works right now. Thank you for reading!


	3. The Video

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot spends some time with Lapis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like this chapter for several reasons so I didn't read through it.
> 
> TW: Child Porn/Abuse?

Malachite greeted Peridot and Steven at her home, taking the child’s bag and making small talk with Steven.

“We found an old camcorder in the basement, so we might play with that for a while,” she told him. 

“Hey, that sounds like fun! Right, Peri?” Steven asked her.

“Hmmph.”

He patted her blonde hair , “I’m gonna scoot. I’ll pick you up on Monday, alright?”

“Yes.”

He waved goodbye as he pulled away, leaving her with Malachite for better or for worse.

“We’re recording a Knight-in-Shining-Armor sort of deal,” she told her as she guided her out back. 

Lapis and Jasper were playing with foam swords, whapping each other in their face and arms to get the other to  _ stop _ whapping their face and arms.

Lapis was the first to notice Peridot, and grinned in excitement.

“Hi Peri--”

She was cut off by Jasper whacking her in the throat with her sword. 

“Shouldn’t let your guard down, Lap.” Jasper smiled as her sister starting wailing on her.

Where most mothers would panic and try to keep her children from killing each other, Malachite found joy. In fact, she often encouraged this destructive behavior between the twins.

“Peridot, would you like to be the knight?” Malachite asked her. 

“Hey! I thought I was going to be the knight!” Jasper protested.

Her mother scoffed, “You’re too big to be a knight.”

“Yeah, well, Peridot’s too short,” she retorted before getting punched by her sister. 

“Hey, I got an idea,” Malachite snapped her fingers for the children’s attention. “We should film in the basement! It’d be perfect for a dungeon scene.”

 

Peridot looked around her, unfamiliar with the surroundings. The room was dimly lit, and smelled of mildew and old cheese. She shivered from the sudden chill. To her side was Lapis, naked and clinging to her bundle of clothes like a child would a teddy bear. She stared off to the distance, her face void of any emotion or feeling. 

Peridot looked in her arms to see that she was naked as well, holding her own bundle in her arms. Had they been kidnapped?

“Lapis…” Peridot called to her. “Lapis, what happened?”

She didn’t respond, opting to continue staring at a spot in the wall.

“Hey, Peridot,” Malachite sneered. The child whipped her head to face the woman. She had the camera in front of her. “Shut up or I’ll tell your parents what a sick little shit you’ve been.” 

She froze in place, not wanting to enrage her any more than she obviously was. 

“Lapis…?” Peridot probed the girl quietly, trying to get a response.

She didn’t give one. 

On the steps, Jasper watched the scene in a twisted sense of jealousy. Lapis was her sister, her twin, and she couldn’t be as close to her as Peridot. Picking up a discarded doll, Jasper pretended that it was her “friend”. Her imagination painted on her turned-up nose, small scowling mouth, and messy hair. She wrapped her hand around her head, and twisted it off. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is better? Dunno, but it's def longer. Thank you for reading! I appreciate any/all comments. Even the ones that tell me I suck.


	4. Peridot's Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot meets her maker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooh, boy, would you look at that, I posted this chapter just a /tad/ late. I blame my awful friend, who got me into an awful show, and sent me awful fanfic. 
> 
> In other news, Miraculous Ladybug is killing me.
> 
> TW: Choking

Peridot enjoyed categorizing things. She made charts and graphs to explain her shows to her foster parents while using said charts to organize his fan theories. Lists were one of the reasons she became friends with Pearl. They would share charts, discuss line graphs, and debate the appropriate use of a histogram vs. a bar graph. 

However, Peridot kept a particularly soft spot for lists. They were easy to make in a pinch, could convey several ideas, and had multiple uses. For her current predicament, Peridot had made two lists:

  1. Connie had arrived home two weeks ago.
  2. Her name was Stevonnie.
  3. Like most infants, she required attention to live.
  4. Peridot received less attention, which she also needed to live.
  5. Steven wouldn’t stop calling Peridot a “big sister”. 
  6. This was annoying.
  7. Very annoying.
  8. SO ANNOYING it deserved to take up three lines. THREE.
  9. As showcased by Lapis and Jasper, sisters had to be related.
  10. Peridot and Stevonnie were NOT related.



 

The situation at hand was only loosely related to the list Peridot had made. Nonetheless, she found it important to have all of the connections that helped make her second list. This second list, was much more prevalent:

  1. Dr. Garnet was still the worst. 
  2. She had visited her after Stevonnie came home.
  3. She knew about the knife somehow.
  4. Peridot craved attention or something. She tuned that part out.
  5. She convinced Steven and Connie to let her see her mom.
  6. She was going to see her mom.
  7. She was finally going to see her mom.
  8. She was so excited to see her mom that it took up three lines. THREE!
  9. Peridot didn’t know what a prison camp was.
  10. Steven told her.



He was the one holding her hand as they walked to a concrete room with a heavy, steel door. Dr. Garnet had guided them through winding hallways with bland colors slapped onto concrete. Why did they even bother painting them, anyways?

“There will be guards inside the room in case your mother is...uncooperative. They won’t bother you,” she reassured Peridot as she opened the door.

Peridot gulped and gave her a small nod before the door slammed behind her. As excited as she was to see her mother, she was three times more nervous. She was going to meet her mother for the  _ first time _ . Well, technically not the first, if she counted her time as an infant. It must have been long before the woman ended up here. 

She began to doubt herself as she sat on a cold, metallic chair in the center of the room. 

What if she didn’t like her? What if she didn’t want to see her again? What if she didn’t want to be her mother?

She tapped her fingers on the desk with resounding thuds as she awaited her fate.

Shuffling feet and rattling chains alerted her to someone approaching the room. The door opened to reveal Peridot’s mother being escorted by two guards. 

Short blonde hair stuck up with a complete disregard to gravity, while bags lay under narrow, green slits. She seemed to have suffered from Resting Bitch Face, but Peridot figured that was what prison did to a person. Peridot spotted her name printed in a wrinkly corner in her uniform: “Diamond”.

“Hello, Peridot,” she greeted her child with an air of eloquence and-was that bitterness?   
  


When she came to, her mother was crouching over her. Her face was twisted with anger and malice, hate burning in her eyes. Peridot struggled to breathe, quickly coming to the realization that she was being choked. By her mother. Her fingernails scraped her arm as she failed to get her off. 

“I gave you life,” she growled, “and I’ll take it back.”   
She sucked in a scalding breath as her mother was smacked away by a flurry of bludgeons. Hot tears leaked from the corner of her eyes as she rubbed her aching neck. Steven was on her in a second, scooping her up and carrying her out of the room to spare her any needless violence.

She clung to him like a koala, praying to whatever Gods might be out there that he never let her go.

Almost automatically, she began to make a new list:

  1. She met her mother for the first time.
  2. She was choked for the first (and hopefully last) time.
  3. She went to a prison camp for the first time.
  4. She went to a funeral, Diamond’s, for the first time.
  5. She called Connie, “Mom”, for the first time. 
  6. It wasn’t her last. 




	5. The Mailbox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group decides to commit vandalism and Peridot forgets about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late! Life happened, but updates should get more consistent from now on. At least this isn't like a different fic I had where I haven't updated in over two years. Whoops.

It had been eight years since Peridot had first visited the basement, and Jasper was the only one in the group comfortable enough to go into the cluttered room. Peridot and Lapis would avoid the place unless it was absolutely necessary, which was never. There was always something to do that didn’t involve the basement, like baseball. Peridot was unsure of her dislike of the place. Maybe it was her experience with Lapis that made the room suffocate and close in around her, or or maybe it was her asthma. If Lapis felt the same way, she wouldn’t know. It had become an unspoken rule between the two of them to refrain from even mentioning the basement. Pearl seemed to sense the unease between the two when the forsaken place was mentioned, and ended up opting against it for the sake of their comfort. 

Jasper, on the other hand, had a different state of mind. If only to torture her sister, she took every opportunity to suggest going there. Usually the other three were able to convince her otherwise and make different plans. Keyword being, “usually”. 

Today, she had been dead-set on getting something in the basement and dragging them along, and had resorted to certain  _ methods _ to convince them.

In the short run, Peridot and Lapis gave in if only to avoid a beating. Pearl allowed it by extension, but made her discomfort apparent.

“Won’t your mother get upset if she catches us down here?” Pearl asked as she cautiously scanned the area.

“Malachite doesn’t give a shit,” Jasper scoffed as she picked up an old can. After giving it a brief once-over she threw it behind her, narrowly missing Peridot’s head. 

“Do we have to be down here?” Peridot whined. “I think my asthma’s acting up.” 

“Then use your inhaler, wimp,” she growled as she discarded another box, pointedly ignoring the blonde’s grumbling. “I need you guys to help me find something.” 

“Hard to do when you won’t tell us what we’re looking for, dumbass,” Lapis mocked her twin.

“That’s because it’s a surprise!” Jasper turned to shoot her a glare that was matched by the former. 

“Dumbass,” Lapis repeated.

Jasper muttered an insult under her breath as she went back to scouring.

“Well, do you know where it last was?” Pearl asked her slightly pissed off friend. 

“It was in a silver thermos,” Jasper made a cylindrical shape with her hands, “and I swear it was in one of these boxes.” 

Lapis’s face grew red as she stomped over to her sister and kicked her. 

“I can’t BELIEVE you,” she screamed. “You brought us down here to look at your  _ lunch _ !” 

“Did not, you brat,” Jasper spat back as she wrenched her foot and brought her down. The two were quickly engaged in a wrestling match with Pearl as their referee, spewing insults towards each other at an obscene rate. 

Embarrassed for her friends, Peridot turned her attention away from them, thankful that she and Stevonnie didn’t fight like that. Hopefully they would simmer down by tonight. Once, when they were younger, Jasper had destroyed Lapis’s favorite stuffed seal and Lapis continued to do anything to avenge Sally the Seal. Jasper will respond to each threat accordingly, forming a bitter grudge between them. They wouldn’t let go of any ground, even if it was for something as trivial as Jasper’s lunch.

Peridot perused the growing clutter gathered on the tables when her eyes caught on a silver cylinder lying on its side. She picked it up and turned back to the twins to see Pearl trying to break them up, as expected. 

“Jasper,” she shouted at the larger of the group.

“What?!” She shouted back, misplaced anger glazing over her eyes. Peridot held up the thermos, waving it in her hand. The anger dissipated as she shoved Lapis away and took the thermos, becoming an unnerving giddiness taking over.

“You’re welcome.”

Jasper ignored her as she unscrewed the cap and took out a red stick wrapped in twine. She waved it at her sister, worry taking over her frustration. 

“Now let’s do the neighborhood a favor,” Jasper grinned.

***

The Alliums had what was the tackiest mailbox in the state, if not the nation. It was an ugly replica of their ugly house, painted mustard with a copper roof and brick chimney that replaced the red mail flag. Their teenage son had backed out of the garage door, and the classiest blue tarp now covered the missing appliance. Thankfully, no one had bothered replacing the garage on the mailbox. However, it did have little plastic windows. 

The squad slowly emerged from the small patch of woods across the street, peeking out to see if anyone was home. The curtains were closed, despite a red pick-up with a boat sitting in the driveway. If the owners weren’t making the neighborhood question the home’s vacancy, they weren’t doing their job. 

“I don’t think they’re home,” Jasper stage-whispered. 

“What about the car?” Pearl asked from their hiding space. 

“The car’s always there. I bet the tires have melted into the concrete or something,” Peridot reasoned.

There was a pause as the group avoided the next step in the “blowing up a mailbox” process.

“Pearl, go put the dynamite in the mailbox,” Jasper commanded, thrusting the dynamite and match towards her. 

“No no no,” Pearl shook her head and waved her arms. “I want no part in this.”

“That’s  _ exactly _ why you should do it,” she argued. 

“I refuse.”

“No,” Jasper growled, “this is the only way you won’t snitch.”

“Maybe someone should! This is vandalism, Jasper,” Pearl reminded no one who cared, “and vandalism is  **illegal** .”

Jasper scoffed, “We’ve done plenty of illegal things. Remember the warp?”

Pearl shuddered, “I still have nightmares.”

“Oh, grow up,” she groaned. “And put the explosives in the mailbox while you’re at it.”

Pearl opened her mouth to retort--

“Oh lay off, you clod,” Peridot scolded her. “I’ll do it if you shut your fat mouth.” The short girl held her hands out for the stick and match. 

Jasper hesitated, weighing her options between getting it over with and bothering Pearl for a little longer.

“You don’t have to, Peridot. Nobody’s making you do anything,” Lapis spoke up. 

“I don’t see any other volunteers,” she grumbled. After thrusting the blow-up stick and match in her awaiting hands, Jasper raised her hand in a salute.

“Good luck, private.” 

Peridot scoffed and rolled her eyes, trudging to the enemy lines while muttering profanity that would make Steven squirm.

She slid back the front of the house over the roof and threw in her weapon, unwinding the twine. Scanning the area briefly, she decidedly swiped the match on the concrete and lit the explosive. She slammed the lid and hurried over to the spot, waving the match until it went out. 

Pearl was already covering her ears, nervously watching the mini-house like a ticking time bomb. The twins gave her a thumbs-up as she made her way between them. The world moved around them and the stolen explosive tucked away in a cheesy mailbox. 

The smallest dug her chewed nails into her palm, the summer heat and exhilaration of pyrotechnics causing them to sweat. Cool, nimble fingers shimmied her fingers open and wrapped themselves around her palm, Lapis smirking from the corner of her eye. Peridot felt her own smile start to tug her lips, and convinced herself that the heat was what made her face grow hotter. 

“Shit,” Jasper murmured as Lapis tightened her grip.

 

The poignant smell of sulfur and black powder burned the usually sweet forest air. Light leaked through the trees, causing Peridot to squint as she stumbled and fell face first into rotting leaves. 

“We have to go back, we have to confess they’ll understand,” she heard Pearl. Peridot pushed herself up to see Jasper grab her roughly.

“Shut up,” she barked. “We can’t talk about this EVER. No matter what, ‘cuz no one’ll care to understand. We take this to our graves, okay? We weren’t even here.”

Against all better judgement, Peridot spoke up, “What happened?”

“See? Even Peridork gets it.” Jasper pointed to her.

“Gets what?” She asked as she rubbed her temple. “I think I blacked out, did it blow up?”

Her response was met with silence, and she was picked up off the ground by her collar.

“Listen up, brat, because I’m only saying it once,” Jasper growled. “Nothing blew up, nothing happened, so don’t ask anyone what happened. Not me, not Pearl, not Lapis, not no one, ever. And if anyone asks you, we were in the basement. We weren’t even here, we were in the basement. Don’t tell anyone we were here, not even your dumb tape recorder, got it? ‘Cuz if you don’t, I’ll beat you ‘til you do.”

Peridot nodded and fell on her ass when she was dropped on the ground.

Later that night, she ignored Jasper’s warning when she logged. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this, you must really care. I appreciate that.   
> You know what else caring people do? Leave comments.   
> Because I'm lonely and could always use critiques.


	6. Hellfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot makes a move and gets burned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw animal abuse, burns, cursing

Peridot stared blankly at the fencers in the uncomfortable pull-out gym bleachers. Anyone who didn’t know Pearl would be impressed; she’d won all her matches so far with grace and dexterity. Her friends, however, knew better. Pearl was distracted, her stance was off and she was letting her opponents get too close.

“What’s up with her today?” Peridot muttered as she watched the two parry and thrust at each other. 

“Must be an off day.” Lapis shrugged nonchalantly. 

Peridot shook her head. “No no no, Pearl doesn’t have off-days. She’s always trying to get better. Do you…” she trailed off, catching Jasper’s frown. “Do you think it’s about what happened last week?”

In half a second Jasper had reached over Lapis and grabbed Peridot by the shirt, yanking her onto her lap. 

“What did I tell you?” Jasper seethed through clenched teeth. 

“N-nothing,” she squeaked, avoiding her narrow eyes. “We didn’t do anything at all! Nothing!” She chuckled as Jasper tightened her grip.

“Jasper,” Lapis snapped, “let her go.” There was a moment where Peridot thought that everything was going to be alright, that would be let go and they’d be on their merry way. Jasper would simmer down and forget the mess while Peridot played the role of blissfully ignorant. The serenity evaporated as soon as she saw Jasper raise her fist, her eyes blazed in a fury she’d never seen before. This was it, this was how Peridot was going to die.

She closed her eyes, bracing for impact when she felt something push her away from Jasper and onto the bleacher below them. She watched from below to see Lapis standing between her and Jasper with crossed arms.

“She doesn’t even remember it, Jasper,” she growled in a low voice. “She’s not worth it.”

Her twin huffed and crossed her arms, turning her attention back to the match. Lapis’s shoulders sagged as she turned tail and strode out of the gymnasium, Peridot scrambling at her heel. 

She stopped in a hallway near concessions, sliding down chipped lockers and blowing blue bangs out of her face. 

“Lapis?” Peridot creeped towards the girl. 

She tensed and spun around to face her. “Peridot! You--” she cut herself off and tilted her head, “you followed me?”

She scoffed, “No, I came to see if popcorn will get stuck in Garnet’s hair.” She jerked her thumb at the concessions before settling down next to her friend. Lapis rolled her eyes while Peridot wracked her brain for conversation starters. She never could handle silence, it had never settled right with her and she doubted it ever would. How did you almost die? No, she was there for that. Describe your sex life with Spongebob quotes? Too light, it would probably end in more silence.

“You really don’t remember, do you?” Lapis spoke up before she could, thank god.

She shook her head. “No, I blacked out.” She glanced over her shoulder to catch Lapis’s blank stare. Stars, her eyes were so  _ blue _ .

“What’s so bad that--”

Lapis’s mouth caught the rest of her sentence as she pressed her lips to Peridot’s. The short girl bunched the twin’s shirt in her hands before pushing her away, her brain failing to process the foreign sensation on her lips. Gay overload in the frontal lobe, repeat, gay overload in the frontal lobe. Please stand by as the system reboots, thank you. 

“Peri, I--”

If Lapis wouldn’t let her finish her sentence, then Peridot would be damned if she let her finish hers. Even if it meant having to subject Lapis’s smooth perfect lips to Peridot’s cracked, chapped and bleeding ones. 

The few seconds they were together were bliss, like they were in their own private heaven complete with a chorus of angels. She was sweet like mint, and her lips moved against her own like a lapping shoreline. 

Peridot heard  her lips pop when she pulled away, warm breath cascading across her face before dissipating into the cold air she gulped.

“Shit.” Blue eyes widened as they flicked over to meet an amber glare.

Peridot turned to see Jasper seething next to concessions and quickly looked away to avoid confrontation. She didn’t need to see to know that Jasper was making a mess of the concessions stand, or to hear her screaming that she’d kill her, her mother, her sister, and her cat. 

Heaven had pulled a nasty trick, and Peridot had found herself in the deepest pits of Hell.

***

“ _...investigators still haven’t found any leads on the murder of Onion Allium, who was killed last week when a stick of dynamite exploded in the family’s mailbox-- _ ” 

“Holy crap,” Steven looked at the news station in disbelief. “They live just down the street.”

“He was Stevonnie’s age.” Connie bit her lip. “That could’ve happened to us.”

She was wrapped in her husband’s embrace soon after, a reassuring hand rubbing her back.

***

They were moving. 

They’d found a house in Beach City that was closer to her grandfather, and decided that it was the best course of action. 

As much as Peridot appreciated the change of scenery and school (her bet with Pearl could be forgotten at last), she wasn’t looking forward to the shift in friends. The shift being from having three to having none, and she wasn’t sure how she was going to be able to tell them. Especially Lapis.

Peridot groaned and buried her face in her hands. Stars, this was a mess.

The doorbell going off in the midst of her crisis only agitated her further as she dragged herself out of her room to stampede down the stairs. 

“Whatever you’re selling, we don’t want it,” she shouted as she swung open the door.

“Then don’t talk to me and my tree trimming service ever again,” Lapis told her.

“Oh,” was it getting hot? “It’s you.”

“Yeah, me,” she rubbed her arm. “Jasper ran away.”   
“Wait, what?” Peridot’s awkward demeanor was replaced with concern for her friend, even if she was an ass sometimes.

Lapis nodded. “Yeah, she went off last night and hasn’t come back yet. I think I might know where she is but if she’s upset I-I don’t want to go alone. Wanna come with?” 

“Yeah, sure, I’ll get my shoes on.”

If you walked into the woods and tramped over poison ivy and scattered sticks for half an hour, you might stumble upon an abandoned scrapyard. The squad would trek out to the run-down place at least once a week, beating up the rusted metal and racing cars on cement blocks while Pearl complained about tetanus shots. 

Today, Pearl wasn’t here, and they weren’t racing cars or looking for the part Peridot was missing for her latest contraption. Today, Jasper was having a bonfire, and dousing some innocent animal in lighter fluid. 

“Is that Lion?” Peridot exclaimed as she made a beeline to the fire. “What the hell are you doing with my cat?!”

“This is your lesson, twerp,” Jasper spat. “Hold your tongue, and don’t put it anywhere near my sister again.” She shoved the screaming cat into a sack, tying the top so it wouldn’t crawl. 

“Jasper, stop it!” Lapis ran over and helped Peridot up. “She didn’t start it, I did! I kissed her, okay? Don’t hurt her cat because of me.” 

“Fuck off, Lap, don’t give me that bullshit,” she growled. “I saw what happened, and she was enjoying it, every bit of it.” She turned her icy glare to Peridot, holding the bag over the fire. “Enjoy this, you little shit.”

She was dragged from a bleak, unconscious state by Lapis’s piercing shriek. Her head throbbed as she lifted herself off the ground, the world around her blurry and unfocused without her glasses. She winced when she furrowed her brow, her forehead sending sharp shoots of pain. She patted the ground around her, biting her lip when she felt cracked lenses in her hand before putting them on. Partial focus painted the scene an entirely different picture.

Lapis was on the ground screaming, her hands covering her face as she looked in horror. If that wasn’t enough to break Peridot, the charred bag popping in the fire was. She’d failed, her cat was dead and she hadn’t been able to save him. Her attention was taken away from the screaming and cursing on the other side of the fire pit. 

Jasper was cradling her face, or was at least attempting to with her burned hands. Her eyes were screwed in pain, a mark seared across her nose and eyes.    
The weight of what just happened settled across her chest, threatening to shatter the girl like her glasses. She’d done this, she had hurt Jasper and Lapis and didn’t even know it, would probably never know it. She’d stolen a knife, drawn a nasty picture, been involved in child pornography, upset her mother, done something so bad with the dynamite her friends refused to tell her, and now this. Stars, she was a monster. 

She failed to choke back a sob when she looked back at the cat, a victim of herself and her damn blackouts. She didn’t know who she was, or what she was like, but when she thought about it there was a nauseous pit in her stomach and a reasonable voice that told her to never trust herself. 

Maybe having no friends wouldn’t be so bad.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a tumblr to help me keep my fics and things organized. And also so it's easier to bug the crud out of me when I'm not updating. Here it is: megthechicken.tumblr.com
> 
> Like the writing style but hate the angst? Or do you just want to read more of my style? Well, buddy boy, do I have news for you because I'm writing another fic that I'm super pumped about that is mostly light and fluffy. It should be up later this week, so keep an eye out for it!
> 
> Thank you for reading I love you


End file.
